I have been awake for 90 minutes and I already feel as if I have put in a 13 hour day. I was on call last night so I came home at 6:00 am and Gary walks out as I walk in. He is on his way to a job site visit and as he grabs the keys from me he gives me a warning. "Everyone is already up, the dog went into their rooms this morning." Five minutes later Andrew and Julia are fighting over what town we are going to trick-or-treat in next week. Ahh, the troubles with living in the country, so many towns, so little time.
After threatening to send the kids back to bed I call Gary and tell him that if the dog ever wakes the kids up again I will drive him to Illinois and leave him there. It is now time to make their lunches. Everyone shouts out they want their usual and I have to tell Bella we are out of bananas so she can not have her usual PB and banana sandwich. Little did I know those words would set off world war three.
"Bella, you will just have to do PB& J today. I don't have any ham because nobody ate it last time and we had to throw it away."
"But I don't like jelly, I don't like anything we have!"
"Bella, you loved PB& J."
"If I don't like it anymore it is your fault! You never put enough peanut butter and jelly on it and all I could taste was bread! And if I yell at you all the time it is because you always tell me everything I do is wrong and I can never do anything right!" I look at her and she is manic. As I look for the nearest foxhole to duck and cover I flash on a description Bill Cosby once gave of his wife having a conniption fit complete with fire shooting eyes. She stomps, swirls and runs down the stairs where I am sure she is writing out how horrible I am. There are probably even pictures of me as her jailer giving her nothing but bread and water.
As I finish making her lunch I consider putting half a jar of peanut butter and half a jar of jelly on the bread, and then I remind myself I am the adult. I suddenly hear my mom's voice in my head. "I hope you have a daughter just like you." Oh my god, it's the mother's curse. I don't think my mom ever actually said these words to me but it is possible that she said them to the wind 20 years ago and now the curse has found me.
Once they determine it is safe Andrew and Julia come out of hiding and begin the craziness all over again. After I help Andrew remove the go-gurt covering his arm and find a new shirt for him I announce it is time to go. Bella calmly comes up the ladder, puts on her coat, grabs her backpack and her lunch and heads out the door. Julia and Andrew have already managed to lose their gloves (it's only October) and I get them to the bus just in time. I don't let anyone get out of the car until I look them eyes and say "I love you. Have fun today." As I walk to the front door I realize I feel physically and emotionally spent. I feel as if a Dementor from Harry Potter has just touched me and sucked all the life out of me, just leaving a hollow shell. If I didn't have to work today I just might have tried to sleep for the next 8 hours.
Just to let you know, Bella just called from school a minute ago. "I left my saxophone at home mom, and I need it today. Can you bring it for me? I love you." I know that some day I will miss all this craziness, but can't it just take a 10 minute break?
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
The Saxaphone
Try to remember just for a minute the image of tiny Lisa Simpson playing the large saxophone. Now, replace Lisa with Bella and you will see what I saw last night. Yes, Bella is playing the saxophone, and practice started yesterday. Each kid who wanted to play in band was evaluated by the leader and assigned an instrument. Due to small fingers and an inherited inability to make any sound come out of a brass instrument (thanks Gary) Bella was given the sax. At the parents meeting Gary and I looked down the list of instruments and discovered, to our dismay, that the sax is the second most expensive instrument to rent. I almost resorted to suggesting to Bella that maybe instead of being in band we could put that money into a savings account and buy her a great car when she turns sixteen.
So last night Bella comes home from school bringing in a box that would reach to her shoulders if she stood it on end. She announces that she has to practice for 30 minutes and I shout out "NO! At the meeting they said only 15 minutes." She begins to assemble the 20 pieces of her sax and about 30 minutes later is ready to play. To my amazement what comes out is the sound of a very loud note. Not a squeak, but a note. Bella is so excited that I would let her play for 60 minutes if she wanted.
Unfortunately after 10 minutes it becomes unbearable. Not her playing, but everyone else's reaction to it. Every time she plays Patch the dog begins to whine and occasionally emits a small bark. Andrew yells "BELLA" as loud as he can because he can't hear what Sponge Bob is saying. Gary and I are alternating between yelling "NO" at Patch and yelling at Andrew that Bella has to practice and he can put up with it. Sadie is outside barking and running around looking for the flock of migrating ducks that are invading our property.
But Bella is already the consummate professional, blocking out the chaos around her and playing on.
So last night Bella comes home from school bringing in a box that would reach to her shoulders if she stood it on end. She announces that she has to practice for 30 minutes and I shout out "NO! At the meeting they said only 15 minutes." She begins to assemble the 20 pieces of her sax and about 30 minutes later is ready to play. To my amazement what comes out is the sound of a very loud note. Not a squeak, but a note. Bella is so excited that I would let her play for 60 minutes if she wanted.
Unfortunately after 10 minutes it becomes unbearable. Not her playing, but everyone else's reaction to it. Every time she plays Patch the dog begins to whine and occasionally emits a small bark. Andrew yells "BELLA" as loud as he can because he can't hear what Sponge Bob is saying. Gary and I are alternating between yelling "NO" at Patch and yelling at Andrew that Bella has to practice and he can put up with it. Sadie is outside barking and running around looking for the flock of migrating ducks that are invading our property.
But Bella is already the consummate professional, blocking out the chaos around her and playing on.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
She Said What!?
So our kids have just started riding the bus to school this last month. They have been very excited about it and seem to enjoy it. I resisted the urge to follow the bus the first day they rode because I am a control freak and really wanted to know where it went and what was going on in there. Maybe I should have the school install a live web cam so I can watch them from home. Just the other day I discovered why it is better for parents to not know everything.
After picking up the kids from school we began the usual random 15 minute discussion. Julia told us all about the kid from her class who is moving away so they had a going away party for him. I am just driving along at 55 mph on the highway (okay, maybe 60)when Julia says, "Mom, a boy on the bus today said f***." Without thinking I yell out "what did you just say?" thus forcing my 5 year old to repeat herself.
That's right, my sweet, little, innocent 5 year old threw out the big one. Barely maintaining control of the tank that I drive I proceeded to move the rear view mirror so Julia so can see that I am serious and point out to her that "no one in this car ever has to use that word, never." Julia is looking very abashed when Andrew pipes up to ask, "Can we say flick?" I am in the middle of explaining that it is not just the word you use but the intent with which it is said when Andrew asks me another question.
"How much cheese do you think they have in Wisconsin?"
"Andrew, why do you want to know that?" I am now driving on the gravel and while I seem to be in control of the car I feel that I have fallen down the rabbit hole and everything around me is a little off kilter.
"Because, the boy from Julia's class probably moved to Wisconsin and that makes him the luckiest kid in the world."
Apparently I haven't learned anything because I again ask Andrew the question why. Why would this boy be so lucky to live in Wisconsin? Andrew very patiently points out, "Because Wisconsin is where Wisconsin Dells is and they also have lots of cheese there." Andrew has just very successfully changed the topic and the climate in the car and left me once again so baffled that all I can do is laugh and keep my eyes on the road.
So if anyone wants to know what to get Andrew for Christmas maybe a cheese wheel from Wisconsin is the way to go. Do Santa's elves make cheese?
After picking up the kids from school we began the usual random 15 minute discussion. Julia told us all about the kid from her class who is moving away so they had a going away party for him. I am just driving along at 55 mph on the highway (okay, maybe 60)when Julia says, "Mom, a boy on the bus today said f***." Without thinking I yell out "what did you just say?" thus forcing my 5 year old to repeat herself.
That's right, my sweet, little, innocent 5 year old threw out the big one. Barely maintaining control of the tank that I drive I proceeded to move the rear view mirror so Julia so can see that I am serious and point out to her that "no one in this car ever has to use that word, never." Julia is looking very abashed when Andrew pipes up to ask, "Can we say flick?" I am in the middle of explaining that it is not just the word you use but the intent with which it is said when Andrew asks me another question.
"How much cheese do you think they have in Wisconsin?"
"Andrew, why do you want to know that?" I am now driving on the gravel and while I seem to be in control of the car I feel that I have fallen down the rabbit hole and everything around me is a little off kilter.
"Because, the boy from Julia's class probably moved to Wisconsin and that makes him the luckiest kid in the world."
Apparently I haven't learned anything because I again ask Andrew the question why. Why would this boy be so lucky to live in Wisconsin? Andrew very patiently points out, "Because Wisconsin is where Wisconsin Dells is and they also have lots of cheese there." Andrew has just very successfully changed the topic and the climate in the car and left me once again so baffled that all I can do is laugh and keep my eyes on the road.
So if anyone wants to know what to get Andrew for Christmas maybe a cheese wheel from Wisconsin is the way to go. Do Santa's elves make cheese?
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