An Ode To Golf

This one is for my mom!

My kids took me golfing for Mother's Day,
The ingrates made me carry my bag the whole way.

Hole number one, my first time out in three years,
I take my first swing, is it too early for a beer?

Hole number two and my shoes are too small,
That’s why I can’t hit this little white ball.

Hole number three and my toes are in a pinch,
I’m now hitting the ball, but it only goes and inch.

Hole number four and my putters older than me,
That’s why I sunk a six inch put in three.

Hole number five, the straps on my bag keep twisting and turning,
With every ball I hit those poor worms must be burning.

Hole number six and I’m now golfing with bare feet,
Why wouldn’t my kids spring for a golf cart seat?

Hole number seven and my bag doesn’t have a stand,
If no one’s looking I’m throwing this ball with my hand.

Hole number eight and the wind is blowing in my face,
That’s why this game is such a disgrace.

Hole number nine, thank god we’re almost done,
We may have all sucked but it was a lot of fun.

I’m off now to buy me a new bag and new shoes,
Next time you see me, I won’t be singing the golf player blues.