Fire!!

Let me share with you all what happened to us two weeks ago. As I lay in bed in the predawn light and listened to the freight train going by the house I hear Gary go outside and come back in saying "Oh *****", (insert here any word of your choice). I roll out of bed to discover that the freight train is actually the fire currently blazing in our chimney. Gary looks at me and says, "Well, the good news is the sparks and embers shooting out of the chimney are landing on snow." What followed was a flurry of well coordinated movements to put out the fire in the fire place. The fire can still be heard in the chimney along with debris falling onto the damper and the part of the chimney we can see is glowing "with the fire of a thousand suns."

We sort of give each other a what now look and I do the most natural thing in the world. I start up Gary's computer and google "chimney fires." I promptly go to a "do it yourself" page while Gary opens windows to air out the house. The "do it yourself" solution is to "get out of the house and dial 911." I actually had to pause for a minute and wonder just how this is "do it yourself." Gary calls 911 and I begin yelling at the kids to get dressed. Bella just yells back that she needs to shower first. As I go downstairs I hear Gary telling the dispatcher that we are not yet out of the house b/c we are "getting dressed and putting on socks."

Downstairs I find Andrew and Julia sitting on the bathroom counter while Bella gets ready to shower. I should point out here that the basement is full of smoke. Gary and I are apparently so calm about the situation that our kids are not too concerned. After discovering that the fire department is on the way Julia begins to cry. I tell her not to worry, that everything is okay and she just looks at me and wails, "We will have to move again." She just recovered from last years move and does not want to do it again.

We grab everything the kids will need for school and head out to the cars. As we listen to my pager to keep track of the fire departments location Bella begins to talk nonstop about how she will always remember this day for the rest of her life.

"This is the worst day ever." Julia is still a little upset and Gary and I keep trying to tell her that everything is all right. "This is the worst fire ever," she continues to say. I finally ask her why and she just wails "Because we don't have any food in the car." This is how Gary and I realized that Julia is going to be just fine.

Shortly thereafter 4 vehicles from the fire department and the ambulance pull up. My friends from the ambulance thank me for having them out to the house and promptly invite the kids into the ambulance. Needless to say, the fire has burned itself out by this time. The wonderful volunteer firefighters have removed the chimney cap and begin using a series of mirrors and flashlights to inspect the chimney.

And the verdict is; The chimney is clean! Because we are who we are, we can not have just any old chimney fire, we have to have a "mystery" chimney fire. The fire chief can't figure out how it started. Everyone waved goodbye and headed back to town and Gary and I quickly got the kids to the bus stop on time. It was just back to business as usual for us.

Dead at 7:30 AM

I have been awake for 90 minutes and I already feel as if I have put in a 13 hour day. I was on call last night so I came home at 6:00 am and Gary walks out as I walk in. He is on his way to a job site visit and as he grabs the keys from me he gives me a warning. "Everyone is already up, the dog went into their rooms this morning." Five minutes later Andrew and Julia are fighting over what town we are going to trick-or-treat in next week. Ahh, the troubles with living in the country, so many towns, so little time.

After threatening to send the kids back to bed I call Gary and tell him that if the dog ever wakes the kids up again I will drive him to Illinois and leave him there. It is now time to make their lunches. Everyone shouts out they want their usual and I have to tell Bella we are out of bananas so she can not have her usual PB and banana sandwich. Little did I know those words would set off world war three.

"Bella, you will just have to do PB& J today. I don't have any ham because nobody ate it last time and we had to throw it away."

"But I don't like jelly, I don't like anything we have!"

"Bella, you loved PB& J."

"If I don't like it anymore it is your fault! You never put enough peanut butter and jelly on it and all I could taste was bread! And if I yell at you all the time it is because you always tell me everything I do is wrong and I can never do anything right!" I look at her and she is manic. As I look for the nearest foxhole to duck and cover I flash on a description Bill Cosby once gave of his wife having a conniption fit complete with fire shooting eyes. She stomps, swirls and runs down the stairs where I am sure she is writing out how horrible I am. There are probably even pictures of me as her jailer giving her nothing but bread and water.

As I finish making her lunch I consider putting half a jar of peanut butter and half a jar of jelly on the bread, and then I remind myself I am the adult. I suddenly hear my mom's voice in my head. "I hope you have a daughter just like you." Oh my god, it's the mother's curse. I don't think my mom ever actually said these words to me but it is possible that she said them to the wind 20 years ago and now the curse has found me.

Once they determine it is safe Andrew and Julia come out of hiding and begin the craziness all over again. After I help Andrew remove the go-gurt covering his arm and find a new shirt for him I announce it is time to go. Bella calmly comes up the ladder, puts on her coat, grabs her backpack and her lunch and heads out the door. Julia and Andrew have already managed to lose their gloves (it's only October) and I get them to the bus just in time. I don't let anyone get out of the car until I look them eyes and say "I love you. Have fun today." As I walk to the front door I realize I feel physically and emotionally spent. I feel as if a Dementor from Harry Potter has just touched me and sucked all the life out of me, just leaving a hollow shell. If I didn't have to work today I just might have tried to sleep for the next 8 hours.

Just to let you know, Bella just called from school a minute ago. "I left my saxophone at home mom, and I need it today. Can you bring it for me? I love you." I know that some day I will miss all this craziness, but can't it just take a 10 minute break?

The Saxaphone

Try to remember just for a minute the image of tiny Lisa Simpson playing the large saxophone. Now, replace Lisa with Bella and you will see what I saw last night. Yes, Bella is playing the saxophone, and practice started yesterday. Each kid who wanted to play in band was evaluated by the leader and assigned an instrument. Due to small fingers and an inherited inability to make any sound come out of a brass instrument (thanks Gary) Bella was given the sax. At the parents meeting Gary and I looked down the list of instruments and discovered, to our dismay, that the sax is the second most expensive instrument to rent. I almost resorted to suggesting to Bella that maybe instead of being in band we could put that money into a savings account and buy her a great car when she turns sixteen.

So last night Bella comes home from school bringing in a box that would reach to her shoulders if she stood it on end. She announces that she has to practice for 30 minutes and I shout out "NO! At the meeting they said only 15 minutes." She begins to assemble the 20 pieces of her sax and about 30 minutes later is ready to play. To my amazement what comes out is the sound of a very loud note. Not a squeak, but a note. Bella is so excited that I would let her play for 60 minutes if she wanted.

Unfortunately after 10 minutes it becomes unbearable. Not her playing, but everyone else's reaction to it. Every time she plays Patch the dog begins to whine and occasionally emits a small bark. Andrew yells "BELLA" as loud as he can because he can't hear what Sponge Bob is saying. Gary and I are alternating between yelling "NO" at Patch and yelling at Andrew that Bella has to practice and he can put up with it. Sadie is outside barking and running around looking for the flock of migrating ducks that are invading our property.

But Bella is already the consummate professional, blocking out the chaos around her and playing on.

She Said What!?

So our kids have just started riding the bus to school this last month. They have been very excited about it and seem to enjoy it. I resisted the urge to follow the bus the first day they rode because I am a control freak and really wanted to know where it went and what was going on in there. Maybe I should have the school install a live web cam so I can watch them from home. Just the other day I discovered why it is better for parents to not know everything.

After picking up the kids from school we began the usual random 15 minute discussion. Julia told us all about the kid from her class who is moving away so they had a going away party for him. I am just driving along at 55 mph on the highway (okay, maybe 60)when Julia says, "Mom, a boy on the bus today said f***." Without thinking I yell out "what did you just say?" thus forcing my 5 year old to repeat herself.

That's right, my sweet, little, innocent 5 year old threw out the big one. Barely maintaining control of the tank that I drive I proceeded to move the rear view mirror so Julia so can see that I am serious and point out to her that "no one in this car ever has to use that word, never." Julia is looking very abashed when Andrew pipes up to ask, "Can we say flick?" I am in the middle of explaining that it is not just the word you use but the intent with which it is said when Andrew asks me another question.

"How much cheese do you think they have in Wisconsin?"

"Andrew, why do you want to know that?" I am now driving on the gravel and while I seem to be in control of the car I feel that I have fallen down the rabbit hole and everything around me is a little off kilter.

"Because, the boy from Julia's class probably moved to Wisconsin and that makes him the luckiest kid in the world."

Apparently I haven't learned anything because I again ask Andrew the question why. Why would this boy be so lucky to live in Wisconsin? Andrew very patiently points out, "Because Wisconsin is where Wisconsin Dells is and they also have lots of cheese there." Andrew has just very successfully changed the topic and the climate in the car and left me once again so baffled that all I can do is laugh and keep my eyes on the road.

So if anyone wants to know what to get Andrew for Christmas maybe a cheese wheel from Wisconsin is the way to go. Do Santa's elves make cheese?

No Group Coverage? Well You're Just SOL!

In the last five years, I've had the following conversation more times than I can count on two hands...

Other Person: "How's business going?"

Me: "Oh, pretty good. I'm really busy, and I really love my job."

Other Person: "Good. I was hoping with _____ (fill in the blank with any of the following: the economy, the war in Iraq, 9/11, the housing slump, etc.) that you were staying busy."

Me: "Yeah, I just keep plugging along. Actually, I figure the most likely thing to put me out of business is health insurance."

Other Person: "Yeah, rates keep going up."

Me: "Well, I can plan for rate increases. What I can't plan for is if someone in my family gets a serious medical condition. We don't qualify for group coverage, and with the individual coverage we have, our insurance company can effectively get rid of us if one of us gets a serious condition."

Other Person: "They can't do that, can they?"

Me: "Technically they can't deny us coverage. However, they can make our rates so unaffordable that we would have to switch companies. And here's the catch with individual policies...when we switch companies, the new insurance company can exclude the pre-existing condition that caused us to switch in the first place."

Other Person: "Really? I had no idea?"

Obviously, I've paraphrased, but that is essentially the conversation I've had over and over with people that have group coverage. I think that is why many people are opposed to the idea of universal coverage. Many people with group coverage don't realize that many of the country's uninsured or under-insured, lack the ability to even qualify for decent coverage.

There will always be a certain number of people who can afford health insurance, choose not to pay for it, then get sick, and cost tax-payers a lot of money. And the opponents of universal coverage will trot those examples out at every opportunity.

But I'm here as proof that many hard-working, self-employed Americans are one illness (for them, their spouse, or their dependents) away from financial disaster.

I just read John McCain's health care plan. He wants to use tax credits along with the free market and guaranteed access plans to "fix" health care. IT WILL NOT WORK! Would you let the free market run your fire department? Police department? I hope not. The free market exists to make a profit. I like profits. I think they're swell. I'd like to make more. However, I strongly believe that it is wrong to profit from health insurance. The lure of profits in health insurance influences decisions from their middle management that are scandalous. Who hasn't heard a horror story of someone they know being denied basic benefits?

As for guaranteed access plans (or GAP's), we have those already in Iowa. GAP's are a decent temporary solution to get more people insured. Take a look at Iowa's plans, though. I'm pretty sure you wouldn't want one, especially with what they cost.

I'm not completely sold on Obama's plan either, but it is much closer to universal coverage, and I think it is a step in the right direction. He's got my vote on this issue.

"We're brother ladies!"

Last night, Andrew and Julia were playing a game and Andrew was playing on my Nintendo DS Mom asked him to please get out of the laundry basket. Andrew got out and Julia got in. Then she exclaimed, "Andrew,you can get in too!" "Then Andrew got in and then said,We're brother ladies!" So, as you know, Julia and Andrew are pretty weird.

At the campsite

So,we get to the campsite and we're hugging our cousins and saying hi. Then we ran over to where Ryan was playing better batter baseball.Then we finally got him to play with us. Then I ask ,"where's Uncle Joe?"

Then he comes zooming up on a motor scooter!Then Olivia asks "Can I ride ?" " Sure" He says. So she gets on by herself! After she rides,I ask if I can ride. "Ask your parents." I ask them. They said yes. so I rode and it was awesome.The next day I kept taking Turns With Olivia. I also played with my cousins. It was awesome!

Camping?

Gary and I love our home and have discovered that living here makes it very hard to go through all the prep work it takes to go camping. The searching, packing, dog kenneling, last minute trips to buy stuff we know we have but can't find and did I already mention packing? Once we leave and get there of course we have to run to the store to buy stuff we have but forgot. And let's not forget the unpacking and cleaning when we are back home. Camping used to be our way to get away from town and out into nature. Our current home is surrounded by nature. We have frogs, owls, birds, trees, a creek and the all important outside fire ring.

On our most recent trip a super muddy state park campground prompted a change of venue. As Gary and I were following everyones directions on how to get to our new location we joked that it was going to be one of those campsites we always spotted on our way to Chicago and questioned why you would ever stay there. Three hours later we pull up to a campground on the I80 corridor.

As I put Bella to sleep the first night she said, "Mom, what is that sound?"

"You mean the women cackling next door?" Our site was next to 8 women with a sign hanging that read "It's 5 O'clock somewhere."

"No, the other sound." I listened for a minute and promptly told her it was the interstate.

Gary told the kids they would probably learn some new words that night and he didn't want to hear them repeat any the next day. I am sure Bella sat with her eyes wide open and straining her ears to listen to the women. Although as loud as they were you really didn't have to strain.

As Gary and I went to bed (note, I didn't say sleep) we lay awake listening to the sound of drunk women, traffic and semi's jake breaking. What are we doing here? At home we are lulled to sleep by the sounds of 5 different species of frogs. The next night was more of the same with the addition of stock car racing near by.

As Andrew entertained himself by counting the planes flying overhead on their way to O'Hare airport Gary and I suddenly realized why we go camping now. It's purely social. It's to visit with friends and family and to let our kids play all weekend with other kids.

So, just a word to everyone we camp with. We really, really like you.

Just Another Night

"Mom, I can't find my pajamas!" This statement yelled by Andrew is about to set off a bizarre conversation. Sadly, these conversations are normal for our family.

"They are in your folded pile of laundry." I had done about 10 loads of laundry that day and I washed every dirty piece of clothing I could find. Don't let the number fool you, two months ago with my old washer it would have been 30 loads.

"What? They can't be in my pile because I only wore them one night!" You need a little background here. First, our kids wear their pajamas two nights in a row and then put them in the dirty pile. Second, Andrew is tied down to routine and beware the wrath if you disturb it. He is still ranting that he can't find them and has not yet looked in the clean stack of PJ's because he is in severe denial. I calmly walk over, pick them up and hand him his PJ's clean and nicely folded. Instead of thanks I get a rant.

"But Mom! They weren't supposed to be washed yet because I only wore them once." His face is so full of sorrow that I automatically start to apologize.

"I'm sorry. I just washed everything I..." At this point my mind begins to catch up to my mouth. "Wait a minute. Are you seriously yelling at me because I washed your clothes?"

Andrew just stomps into the bathroom to change and begins humming which means he is going to be a while. During this whole thing, Julia is telling me she needs help finding her PJ's and showering. I keep telling her just to wait until I'm done with Andrew and then I will help her.

Meanwhile Bella is calling Julia sweetie and telling her she will help her. As I listen to Andrew spray half a can of air freshener in the bathroom Julia gets a concerned look on her face. Julia approaches Bella like she is a coiled rattlesnake and says "Why are you being so nice to me Bella?" I burst out laughing as the girls head downstairs and Andrew opens the door of the bathroom and walks out in a fog of Apple Spice.

"Andrew, I'm already getting a headache from all the spray." This is an ongoing issue in our house.

"Well mom, I didn't spray the toilet seat this time." I once discovered the uncomfortable way that Andrew liked to spray the toilet seat. Walking around all day with your bottom smelling like apple spice is not pleasant.

I just smile and say, "Thanks Andrew, I appreciate that."

He smiles back (apparently going to the bathroom has improved his mood) and says, "Yeah, I know. It feels nice doesn't it."

At this point I just look at Gary who has been quietly working on his computer. "What did that mean and what just happened here?" Andrew not only got in the last word, he has also left me completely baffled. Sadly, baffled seems to have been my constant state of mind since having kids.

That's Gross

If you read my blog on my space you may remember how I related that Julia once got stuck in a public bathroom thus resulting in me sliding under the door with my head resting in God only knows what at the base of a toilet. Julia then crawled out leaving my in there by myself. I then took the hottest shower of my life. Well I have recently come to the conclusion that Julia is trying to kill me by exposing me to various forms of bacteria. She may just be an evil genius.

The other day Julia was playing a game with Patch where she throws a balloon in the air and he bumps it back to her. This game once kept us totally entertained for an hour during a power outage. For some reason she decided to change balloons and asked me to blow up an orange one. I was apparently not paying close enough attention to what she was doing.

As I am going light headed blowing up this balloon Julia says, "Mom, I let Patch pick out his own color and he picked orange! Do you know how I know he wants orange?"

With my face the color of a tomato I just shake my head no. "I put out all the colors we have and he licked the orange one! So I knew he wanted to play with orange!" Julia is very proud of herself and smiling like she just solved world peace. As I nod my head and smile around the balloon to show her how I am very proud of her it begins to dawn on me what she just said.

"Wait a minute. You mean to tell me that Patch licked the balloon that I just blew up?" I am being very careful not to let the balloon deflate as I tie a knot because I know she will want me to blow it up again.

She proudly nods her head and gives me the biggest smile she has. At this point I very carefully look at her eyes to see if there is any evil spark present. Flashes of the bathroom incident are bouncing around in my head and paranoia takes over as I imagine her carefully plotting out just how to introduce various forms of bacteria into my system. In the end I just laugh out loud and shake my head. What else can you do?

Deep Thoughts With Gary

Many of you know that Gary has the habit of blurting out totally random things that just make you stop and laugh. Or maybe you are totally unaware that this side of him exists. I felt the need to share one with you because I want people to know that while Gary puts up the front of being the most sane one in our relationship his mind comes up with some very bizarre stuff.

Recently our house has been invaded by paper wasps. Just a few a day, nothing like the horrible 70's "Killer Bees" movie. Gary also ends up with a few stray bees in his office. They fly in the door and then proceed to beat against the windows right by his desk. In doing some research I discovered that you will usually find wasps going to the closest source of sunlight available.

I was feeling very philosophical (probably had something to do with the glass of wine in my hand) and so I said, "Imagine, they want in so badly and then spend the rest of their time banging their bodies against a window trying to get back out."

Gary just looks over and says, "Would you give up some brain cells so you could sting someone with your a**?"

I probably responded with a headshake eyeroll combo while laughing very hard inside. If we laugh out loud too often he becomes way to encouraged. The sad part is, I found myself giving his question serious consideration. Right know I can't even remember if we continued to discuss the positives and negatives to such a possibility. The question is, would you?

Can You Spare a Dime?

Bella's class is currently discussing Lewis and Clark so she did the one thing that comes second nature to todays young generation. She googled them. After google spit out the 2,897,543 possible links for them she accidentally clicked on the link for Lewis and Clark College. I quickly grabbed the mouse, hit the back arrow and made a joke about how she was way too young to be looking into college.

Bella looked at me and announced "I already know where I want to go."

At this point my jaw dropped open and I made a sound that probably sounded like a cat being stangled. Bella mistook this sound as further interest on my part.

"I want to go to Loras," she declared with more confidence than I ever had at age 8.

I then responded like the rational level headed person I am. "What? Where did you even hear about that college and it's existence? Are you just saying this because you once overheard your dad say that his kids will never go to Loras because everyone who goes there feels like they have to mention it in every single conversation they have?"

Bella is looking at me with this bewildered look on her face and laughing at me at the same time. This might have to do with the fact that my voice has risen to an octive I have never once thought possible for me to reach. I'm panicking and in this short span of time I have flashed on multiple different things. Wasn't there just a story in the news about how the school I went to and used to cost $10,000 a year now costs $20,000? We only have eight years to save. Will she be able to commute from home? How much change is in my couch?

Somewhere in the fog of my brain I hear Bella say "It's where Nicole wants to go."

That phrase flips a switch in my head and the voices are quickly silenced. This just came about because Bella wants to go where her friend wants to go? It's just a phase. She'll get over it. Just to be on the safe side though, would you like to give to the Bella wants to go to an expensive college fund?

The Bestest Day Ever

Many of you know Julia and know that we refer to her as "a party in a box." Julia can find the fun in watching a slug move at 1 mph on the sidewalk. She definitely enjoys life and is thrilled at the smallest things. One thing she has started doing about once a week is announcing that "today was the bestest day of my life!"

Last week she had the bestest day ever because she got not one, but two bags of fruit snacks at preschool. The week before that it was because she got to play with her friend Halle from Tipton. One week it was because we bought her ice cream after church.

This philosophy of Julia's has had me thinking a lot lately. At first I just thought it was cute and thought about the innocence of children with no worries in their lives. After a while I started to get jealous that she could have so many bestest days ever. I mean, how many of us when asked what the best day of our life was have to go back years and only look for the most monumental things.

We often respond with "the day my children were born" (this answer is a must if it is your children who ask the question), "the day I got married" (said if your spouse is standing nearby when the question is asked), "the day I went to Disney World" (said because Disney is supposed to be the happiest place on earth), or "the day I stood on top of a mountain and just marveled at the beauty of it all" (said to impress people and to let them know you stood on top of a mountain).

What would life be like for all of us if we had the bestest day ever at least once a week? What if we tried to find so much joy in just having our favorite snack, talking to a friend or just sitting with a glass of wine and enjoying five minutes of quiet? I have realized that it is just a matter of attitude, it's just a matter of looking back on your day and finding one thing that made you smile.

Next time someone asks you what the best day of your life was don't stand there rolling your eyes into the back of your head for ten minutes and doing a mini regression therapy session, flashing back through your life. The older you get the longer this takes. Just look back in the past week of your life and surprise them with something like "yesterday because my sister called and we had a wonderful talk", or "last Thursday because the sun was shining and I ate my first dripping ice cream cone of the season".

If we all actively look for the bestest day of our lives every day wouldn't we enjoy life and all the little things just a little bit more?

What is a Julia?

Julia is a girl who watches TV upside down, plays games like "Captain Underpants" and "Super Diaper Baby".She's a monkey. (posted by bella)

It Came, It Saw, It Kicked My Butt

I have toiled, I have fought and I have worked off about 10 pounds trying to defeat it (or I would have if I didn't keep using my hard work as an excuse to devour yet another pint of Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream). What is this terrible force that has beaten me down and knocked me out for the count? Mother Nature.

Mother Nature and I have always had an understanding. I would lecture everyone I encountered in life on the virtues of recycling and the evils of styrofoam and good old MN would whip up one heck of storm and blow all of the leaves in my yard into a neat pile against my garage thus saving me the work and tediousness of having to rake them up myself. This was a great arrangement unless you were my former neighbor Ginger who always worked so hard in her yard raking only to wake up one morning and find all of my leaves neatly piled in my yard or thoroughly scattered through hers. (Sorry Ginger)

This arrangement has worked so well throughout the years that I thought it would follow me as Gary and I moved our family right into the middle of nature. Our house came complete with 6 large flower beds and countless other small ones already planted and gorgeous. All I had to do was wait and see what came up right? Wrong. After 128 days of snow and ice I was finally ready to see my beautiful yard. Unfortunately it was totally covered in leaves.

Alright, I thought, I will give good old MN a break and rake because she had one heck of a winter. I then commenced to use a leaf blower, two different sized rakes and free child labor (the labor laws don't count if their yours) to clean up my yard. I put in more hours of work on this one yard that I have only owned since November than I have on all the properties we have owned since 1998. It looked beautiful. The next morning I wake up to one heck of a wind and my flower beds and yard covered in leaves.

What the heck? Where was our bargain? Did I not laugh hard enough at the man from Direct TV who asked me if I was willing to cut down some trees to get reception? Did I not tell my kids that the trees around our house took priority over watching TV? I mean this was a bold move on my part. We would have nothing to watch on TV except for movies we owned or watched because there is no cable this area, no dish possibilities and no antennae reception. As far as my children were concerned we already live in the dark ages because we only own one TV and it's not even a flat screen.

I forgave MN figuring she was getting back at me for buying a gas guzzling large SUV that is the poster child for American Conspicuous Consumption and commenced raking once again thus doubling my former yard work record from the weekend before. Wonderfully exhausted I decided to sit on my deck and enjoy the view content in the knowledge that people would see a wonderfully manicured lawn and flower bed when they came over. As I sat there in the quiet hearing the occasional bird call I heard a lot of rustling. I assumed it was our resident fat squirrel and looked up to see the largest oak leaf for miles around falling through the trees.

My first thought was that I didn't know leaves could be so loud when they fell, I mean it sounded like a wild boar running through the underbrush. As I watched it bounce from branch to branch I realized it was heading right for my lawn. Sure enough it landed square in the middle of the grass mocking me and shaking in the breeze with suppressed laughter. I was so furious that I actually tried to track it's path backwards to locate the offending tree it had come from so I could cut it down.

It has been a week since that leaf fell and I find myself once again raking leaves into the woods. As I was raking I came to realize the Mother Nature was just making me aware that I have not bought a house that has trees as an accessory. I am paying a bank monthly for the privilege of living among nature at her mercy. By living in the woods I have to realize that I can not conquer the woods. So if you come visit don't be surprised if you pull into the driveway only to see a wall of green with what looks like a deer trail that might lead you to our door.

Why Shopping Alone is a Luxury

I have decided to post this story so every time Gary suggests I take the kids shopping with me and I give him the bug eyed are you crazy look he can just read this and understand.

So I took Bella with me to run some errands and have some fun girl time. Andrew needed a nice shirt and while we were at the store I decided to try on a dress. Now Julia is only five so you can expect to be telling her every other second that she can not unlock and open the door while you are in your underwear. Bella is eight, so really what could happen in the dressing room. Unfortunately Bella likes to talk (I don't know where she gets it) and she loves to asks questions and she does it very loudly. After watching me Bella very loudly says "Mom what are those scars on your side?"

I very calmly and quietly tell her that they are stretch marks.

"But you have more over there mom! And look, there are some on your legs too!" By now everyone in the dressing room is being treated to a detailed account on the location and size of my stretch marks. "How did you get so many?"

I just calmly look at her and say, "Well, I have three kids and each of you added more."

I quickly poke my head out to make sure no one is looking and run out of there as I listen to the quiet laughing coming out of the other rooms. You would think I would know better by now. This is not the first time this has happened. Here is a sampling of other things said loudly for all to hear.

"Mom, that looks a little tight. Maybe I should get you a bigger size."

"Mom, why do you have boobs?"

"Mom, why do your feet look like that? I think you need some lotion."

"Mom, I like how your thighs jiggle." (said while Andrew is pushing on them)

I think you get the idea. From now on, I am shopping alone.

Heads of Death?!?

We live in the Tete Des Morts Valley. I don't know how many of our readers know French. For those that don't, "Tete Des Morts" literally means "heads of death" (pause for dramatic effect - insert your own soap opera music if that helps). Now, I know a little French. I took four years of French in high school. I haven't really used it since, largely due to the lack of French speaking immigrants in the Midwest.

Stephanie and I first looked at the property that has since become our dream home last September. The house and two acres of woods were just perfect. There was even a large creek - almost a river - running adjacent to the property, and it was even far enough below the house that flooding would not be a risk. We were awe struck.

Then, Stephanie divulged the name of the creek - Tete Des Morts Creek. Now I was awe struck for an entirely different reason. Steph took German and Spanish in high school. So, she honestly didn't know the literal meaning of the words she spoke. After her brief French lesson on the drive home, she was on the internet as soon as we walked in the door.

After her exhaustive research, she discovered that she would have to go to a college library to find out the important details, but she did find out the basics from a few anecdotal sources. Apparently, a French explorer in the 1600's was the first settler to name the creek. He did so with the inspiration of floating severed heads from a recent Native American massacre.

Obviously, we really liked the place because we made an offer the following week. (Our well tested just fine!)

Logic vs Julia

Julia is your usual fanciful five year old. She imagines all kinds of things that will make no sense to you but positively delight her. Unfortunately Andrew is the current King of Logic. He is always having to point out why something won't work and becomes very agitated if you won't see it his way. These two personalities combined make for some of the most ridiculous arguments you have ever heard. I decided to post one so you can see for yourself what we listen to on a daily basis.

The other day Bella was playing Sonic vs Mario on the Wii. Julia came running up and announced "Sonic is so handsome, if he were real I would marry him!" I laughed and gave the usual "that's nice dear" response that has become the mantra of mothers everywhere who are faced with the odd musings of children regularly.

Andrew's head quickly whipped around and proceeded to give the most rational reason in the world why this will not work. "Julia, you can't marry Sonic because then your kids would be half human and half hedgehog and that would just be weird."

Julia of course stomps her foot and proclaims with more defiance than Scarlet O'Hara ever had that she can marry whomever she wants. This whole thing then devolves into a true argument with tears and yelling thus placing me in the position of telling the kids that they have to go sit in their rooms because they were fighting over the marriage rights of a hedgehog.

What's in a Name

It occurred to Steph and me that we should explain the title of our family blog.

Anybody who has spent time with Andrew knows how quiet and shy he can appear at first. He's really not once he knows you, and we've long described him around our household as the source of the world's most annoying noises.

The older he gets, though, the more he likes to explore his use of language. That brings me to a startling moment a few years back when Andrew - in utter disbelief at lord knows what - exclaimed, "What the _ _ _ _!" (h...e...double hockey sticks for those of you keeping score at home). As I remember it, Steph sternly requested that Andrew clarify what he just said. He wouldn't, and ever since, Andrew's statement of disbelief has become, "What the...!"

Needless to say, we're glad he has dropped the objectionable word, at least in our presence. I'm not sure where he heard such language, but I'll throw Steph under the bus and blame her. Ha, ha!

Gary

I'm depressed

We're not doing any of those things today. see ya.

Uh oh , I have too many things to do today.

Today it's a riled up day. First, I'm going to church and a luncheon. Second, we're going to Andrew's bowling b-day party. Last, we're going to a cub scout banquet. Well it's just a normal day again. bye.

Oh no...I think I may be a socialist.

I'm fully aware that the title for this blog entry will squash any hopes of a future political career. I don't have any intention of wading through the political cesspool on a daily basis, but 'tis the season. So, with my hip waders on, here I go.

I have been quite perturbed with the political discussion involving taxes, government programs, and the libertarian leanings of the Republican Party Presidential candidates during the primary/caucus season. Sound bite after sound bite rails against taxes and government spending. Our potential candidates from the GOP promise that Capitalism and the free market will sort out our problems with health care, the financial sector of the economy, and the declining median income of the middle class.

I could go on for paragraphs about how taxes support the infrastructure that we have come to depend on. I could point out that our increasing reliance on gambling revenue to prop up our states' economies is enormously less efficient at supporting infrastructure than just taking that same money as a tax. I could submit that if we took all of the money that we have pumped into Iraq over the last five years and put that same money into shoring up security here in the US, we'd be safer from terrorist attacks. But I'll leave those topics for another day.

I'm mostly upset lately at the "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" mentality that is so pervasive in our culture. By most accounts I'm currently living the American dream. I have a wife and three kids. We live in a cozy little cottage on two acres in the country. I own and operate a small business. Did I get here by working hard? Absolutely. Did I get here with a lot of good luck along the way? Of course. Those who deny that good fortune plays a large role in any success story are kidding themselves.

So, here is my point in all of this rambling. Those of us who reap the benefits of hard work and good fortune have a responsibility to give back. The government is not renowned for its efficiency at delivering services to needy citizens, but they fill a need that no other organization is equipped to fulfill. Unfortunately, these necessary programs need tax dollars.

I guess that's my campaign platform: raise taxes by re-establishing a truly progressive tax system (mainly through the elimination of loopholes for the upper class). I don't suppose I'll ever be elected, but I'd certainly tell the truth.

-Gary

Andrew& family

Andrew& Julia are playing that Andrew's a baby. Andrew says:Time for nappy! Than Julia says:Well than you better get in bed! And than Andrew:walks over, and pretends to read a book and than looks up & says "what".


-Isabella

Just a normal day

Andrew's just being himself today. Julia is too. She's chasing the kitty,making exuses for what she does, and watching TV. Oh, did I mention she's also being weird?Well, she's nagging me to get onto her puppy website. Stay tuned! Maybe ther'll be some interesting stuff here.Bye!

_
Bella

A Classic Post from the Archives

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

I just want to start this off by saying Andrew was great tonight. Julia on the other hand was just being Julia. We had finally convinced Julia that she could not have any chocolate covered pretzels until she ate her cubic inch of meatloaf. Just to let you know, we do not force the kids to eat things they truly do not like, she likes meatloaf.

Julia runs to the kitchen, opens a drawer and brings back a butter knife to carefully cut her meat. She then puts a bite in her mouth, spits it out and says "there is something in it." Gary looks at her and very solemnly asks, "is there some loaf in your meat?"

Julia nods her head, buries the piece in her mashed potatoes and says, "now it can grow."

Gary just smiles and says "maybe we can pick some meat next spring."

Julia finishes eating and so does Gary and I am once again laughing behind the napkin wondering if having kids automatically transports you to the twilight zone where you have serious discussions about meatloaf trees. Who knows what will pop up in the yard next spring.

The New Frontier - Our First Post

What do you do with a family of five who loves to read and write? Start a blog, I guess. Steph has been blogging over at her myspace page for about a year, but it occurred to me that the rest of us might want to join in the fun. So, here goes nothing. Stay tuned. We may say something interesting.

-Gary